The touch

I have been lacking of confidence ever since i got here.Sometimes trying to hide it is kinda tough, because i tend to get really lonely here. What do you expect? I have everything back home, i own the uni,i have everything i need, where else i have to start everything again here.

At times it can be frustrating, but the feeling, it is coming back. I can feel it is getting better, it won't take long.....

Thank you for always being with me, though i never actually tell you, cause i don't want you to worry, but you always have faith me, and i will have to live up to that expectation, to be a better man.

never forget the day u try to hide your tears when i am boarding the plane, all the oath i made when i sat down in the plane. Never truly understand how hard it is for you to see your only child leaving, i know it has been tough for you.

I will never forget the oath i made, 4 more years are all it is gonna take. God please, let me fulfill the promise i made to the woman i loved the most

Happy Mothers day
I love you,mom

Final charge towards the ending of semester 1

oh well,mid semester break is gonna end tonight, been doing nothing much for whole week. Again,money is the reason why i don't feel like traveling. Unlike my American flatmates, who spend the whole week, some even skip class to go earlier, they just get home today. Totally worn exhaust i guess,i bet they have lots of fun. Visiting new places etc,that is so nice, at times the feel of envy pierce straight through the heart,but again, i am fine with it.

Did some work during the week is all i do for the beginning of the break.Get to hang out with som Asians in the middle of the week. Went to karaoke, tried some chopsticks 101 food, it's a chinese restaurant, with some really good food, but it's kinda expensive,if u convert it into the useless ringgit. In the same time, get to try some Indian curry, The owner is a Punjabi@@ Laugh my ass off when i see those NZ born chinese sweating so vigorously just to eat some medium spicy food. Got one even cried for eating mild shit,lol

Get to hang out in some flat, playing some monopoly in Momos, a karaoke place run by some chinese, play some left four dead 2.That basically conclude my boring weekend. I have 1 midterm, all about lab materias, 1 presentation, 2 more reports and the finals. To be honest, i know i can handle this semester well, cause i only take 3 papers. Next semester is gonna be hell.

After all,just survive this semester, face shits with fist, empty loneliness by cooking, missing those idiots back home by making more new friends. And here we go again , semester resumes.

I kinda feel like i get worse in blogging, probably due to the weather here. It get colder and colder each day. Need to find the thrust, the desire to move forward.

Unwanted Feeling

Waking up this morning, realizing it's already Monday, meaning it's time to do reports and start studying seriously piss me off,but in the same time, what have i done in the past 2 days?Eat,sleep,laptop and laptop. No hanging out with friends like old time sake,i guess a lot really changed.

If you asked me again am i regret coming over here, i will still stay firm with the same things i told you last time. I cannot have any regrets, since this is the choice i made. There will always be things which made you really unhappy, such as when you have this strange feeling you can't mix in the conversation. Probably i am rushing things up,i wanted to change my past 20 years into a culture with so much differences. Wonder why all my friends who study in oversea don't really have much white friends, i guess i understand it now. That doesn't mean that i don't like them, we have some good times here. Though i know would be much happier if i decided to stay in the asian flat. At the end, i lost to one word and one word only, money.

With money,i can travel around during breaks now like, with money,i can eat every thing i always wanted to try, i can party like a damn fucking rock star. Unfortunately,i don't. My mom has sacrifice too much for me too fool around like tat. It seems strange i will have such feeling?Is it because of maturity which made me have such old fashion feeling?

I guess as i'm getting old, i started to think like an adult, which at times can be really frustrating , it made you can't do things you wanted to. But this is just part of life where you have to endure. After all, living the life with a smiley face is way better to keep thinking how fuck you life could be. Though i started to have such thought, constantly remind myself my main purpose of coming does helps a lot.

I hate my class. As a matter of fact, i don't really like my classmates. Some singaporean who is so kia su, but self proclaim themselves to be intensively educated=.=" Don't laugh my fucking ass off,dude. And there is another idiot who keep asking questions in the class,with a dick gay voice and,the worst part, he is so botany type of guy. That means he said himself enjoying studying and have good grade,and whatever shit he is, he is just so not into my league. I don't like to be asked, hey how's your grade? Got A o not? I really don't want to have this kind of lifestyle again, it's seriously sucks!

It has been 2 months, and i am pretty sure i don't really have a nice friends to hang out with. I don't miss my mom too much, probably due to the fact we video chat more than 2 times per days. I do miss those idiots back home. As he said, 那是我们都回不去的从前, but i do hope our friendship will never end...

To pm14,i seriously don't get the clue of creating a facebook page and keep telling each other, so long no see you, and some don't even know where are they studying, O.o..At times the WTF line will keep popping out.Don't feel offended,vic.It is just a sad truth.

Some takes years to settle down here, i can't expect more.I'm coping well but it's not as easy as it looks like,not when you considering you straight jump into second year without any friends joining you.Not to mention you straight flatting with foreign people with no chinese communication involved. Did i mention i never hold a pan for the past 20 years and now i can cook almost every single shit u wanted me to make for you? I'm catching up, but i just hope i can be better.

Time to do dickhead reports.

Friends

Just read my friend's blog.My fucking idiotic friend,who master the art of cursing and giving me an enjoyable high school life. No doubt there will always be things where we can't look back, there will always be things where you can't say sorry for what you did, there are things where you wish it will never happen. Shits happened all the time, and we are still friends till now, which in my case, consider it as a blessing. God u know how much i miss my A level life. The life where you can just hang out, relax and chill with your friends, i really miss those moments. But the truth is,i miss my high school friends too. I miss those fucked up things we did. Laying down on my 2 dollar bed, ( i got it on a church sale ), what do you expect?I'm fucking poor! Looking at my laptop screen, writing out a piece of crap right now, deep inside my heart, i shed my tears, hoping you guys are around with me right now. It is so hard to actually understand this kind of feeling until you actually being here, deeply alone, thinking what you have been through all these years, it does bring back good old memories which will melt your heart with smile....

Don't get me wrong. I have friends here.Though not as closed as those back home, it is just the kind of feeling, the kind of closeness we have that bond us so strongly, it doesn't work well here.At least for now, it isn't. Partly due to the fact some of them are born here,some has been here for ages, as for me?I am only freshly baked in Dunedin for 2 months. It really takes time to settle down. I'm settling down pretty well. Seriously, you can't argue how capable am i to settle down in foreign country. I think i'm actually doing pretty good with this adaption thing.But still,you will feel it.

The distance between you and your family, your beloved friends.Friendship are really mean to be forever. Even though we don't chat nowadays, we don't greet each other in Facebook anymore.It doesn't mean i forget you. It doesn't mean it's over. It's just a process, a process where everyone will endure, just in my circumstances, it's 3000km away from home..

I miss you guys...
Live well, fuck well
Till the next time we meet

New zealand

IT has been such a long time since the last update from my blog,isn't it?Oh well,trying to get adapt to a new culture is driving me nuts. My meaning of new culture is i didn't speak single mandarin word for the past 1 month except when i web cam with my mom. It is kinda hard to realize times actually flies.It has been one and a half month since i got here. From a dried sneezing nose to a shivering cold weather,till the extend of its 40 knots wind.I guess i still survive.It's not the temperature which do the damage,it's the fucking wind which kill its. Anyhow,i started to get used to the weather,wearing a puff jacket before leaving the room is a must,or u simply put on something warm on u all day long is just the simplest solution.

I don't really feel that i experience a very big culture shock,i tend to get used to it within the first 2 weeks. The only problem is, i become kinda quiet. I don't talk as much as i did in my college or uni. I have friends,i have lots of hi-bye friends,but i simply can't get those type in college. To be fucking honest,i really miss my fucking idiotic high school friends.Don't o0o me,u know way fucking better who i refer to! Those moment we had,those times where all of us get wasted.I do have to admit,i miss you guys..

Those americans i'm staying with are actually pretty good.Decent, drinkers i would say. I never like beer,as a matter of fact,i i hate beers,they are the worst creation of mankind,but it's the ultimate socializing tool in the world.At least to the minimum extend,this is how it works in Dunedin. No matter what races you are,you gonna end up in a flat party drinking.Unless u choose to be a nerd,studying in the library every single day.Those types are really lifeless.They got no social network at all. I don't drink tat much,seriously i am no fucking joking,i can't event drink that much either,but most of the time you need to know people from tat kind of event.

My class is fucking shitty.They are either too big or too small.Big as in there are 500 students.,the small would be 30 plus.In big one,you wont be able to remember their faces,and most of the time you will just sit with different people in different seat. As for small class,most of them are just so quiet. The theory in making friends in Oversea is,if you don't take the first steps,you will hell no end up going back with a blank experiment.

Before i come here,i told myself to lay low profile,not to mess around like what i did back in Malaysia. But then, it seems this is way beyond the extend the low profile.It takes time...eventually,it will be there,but it just

NEED MORE TIME~~~~~~

Doubt

I seriously doubt myself can survive here for 2 years?I don't even think i will migrate here,life without friends are so hard to be bear.The worst part,those fucking americans have their own gang before they come here.Life is getting really tough,i learned to make my first ever pasta,but so far the taste is just average.

I hope i can make some friends during the ori weeks.Life has been a pain in an ass for...Seriously thinking i am at the edge of giving up,but i will hang on.This is a process of learning which cause 80k a year.I simply can't afford to waste it.

Really hope i can make some good friends over here.PEace and out!

The real taste of life

Growing up in a family with the mom working her ass off to give everything she could possible afford is a definite blessing.Never did i realize how hard living at my own can be,not until now,where i was thousand miles away from home,staying in a fucking cold country where the summer is just like winter full of wind.

To tell you the truth,i am really worry i won't be able to last that long. 2 years everything at my own,damn,this really sucks!I wanted this,i wanted the taste off being in oversea.Hell yeah i finally got the taste of it,but life is not so perfect. I expected it to be tough,but i have no idea it will be this tough. Do i really need to hang on bread for 2 years?I already start to get sick of it.There is no pans or anything which works well for me,i don't even know how to cook spaggeti with the pot.I seriously feel like giving up right now.No one is there for me when i need them,can i survive during the winter?This is so fucking unbelievable!

I can't give up right now.It is tough living here.Bu t i will try to survive,i have to,what other choice when i have already throw 100k into this shit.God please give me the strength to continue this journey. I really hope my course mates are good,but,i have a feeling i might be facing disappointment.

Biting my lips to survive

Reunion Lunch

Yeah,thanks to the cock sucking flood,my mom has less customer this year. Everyone is so busy cleaning their house,resulting them to forget to pay my mom a visit. Due to the economic failure all around the world, and the phobia of me asking money from them to further studies in oversea.P.S,i never ask from them!Everyone seems reluctant to talk about money this time. No more how much they earn, no more selling of houses,no more stock in the market. It is just a simple lunch.

At this moment, my mind is kinda blank. There is around less than 14 days before i leave this sickening country, the latest being the army force and government civil services asking money before rescuing you out of the flood. But again i don't feel the excitement of going to oversea at all.May be this is just a temporary diffusion into my brain cell.

MMU kids are going back to their Uni,which mean less people for gathering. I guess i really laying low this time.No more trip planning,no more fancy fancy gathering,just slowly wait the time before i fly.

Don't know why i have such feeling.i have a feeling we won't be close when we get over there.May be it is due to the fact we know each other too well here. I think we will still keep in touch,but i won't really mix into your life i guess.Worry your boyfriend might actually think i wanted to court you ,i admit i am quite a stalker if i wanted to,but you are really not my type seriously..Forgive me for saying it here,after all,i no wanna quarrel with you just because of such thing. No matter what, we are still friends.

Damn,i feel so fucking empty right now.Lots of thing came up into my fucking mind.Even my aunt also said i become more and more quiet nowadays. People really changed,especially during the process of growing up.Taking the big shots,and feeling the impact of falling down,disaster which stroke you so painfully until you can't forgive yourself for the sins you have committed.Growing to be a man is tough,but being one is even harder.

Random

what should i said?Lately i been to KL to get my contact lens.There are really expensive due to the fact they are asti based-.-" but still i got a super cheap price for it which is around RM275 for 8 pairs. Please don't compare with normal lens=.=" Getting really sick just to mention bout the price.Why are they so fucking expensive just because of Asti. Damn,i seriously will go for lasik surgery before the age of 25.that's for sure though i know it is gonna cost me a lot=.= 6k perhaps?but again by tat time i should be working,provided i can pass my exams in uni and get a cert,LOL.

What the fuck is a cert?Cert is basically a piece of paper worth RM 160k to get a job. No people said u cannot find a job without it,but most people believed by having it gonna gives u a bright future! Fuck! this is so not true! But again i am going for it,not because of the cert,but for the experience of a life time.How many people wanted to further their studies in oversea?i guess 80% wanted to do so,yet how many people actually have that chance? The sad fact is,very few. I was really lucky, as a matter of fact i was extremely lucky,as i was at the very edge of completing the so called degree locally. I feel really fortunate, in the same time really bad for almost emptying bank account just to go there.

I think it is gonna be one hell of a experience over there. With my kind of crazy attitude and syoik myself behaviour,i think i 'm gonna enjoy my stays there. How many days left in malaysia?i 'm getting really lazy to count it day by day,i guess it is around 20+ days more. The days where i don't have to do anything at home,the days where i just wait to have my dinner before continue facing the screen,the days where i asked: MOM,i wan ice cream! I'm sure these days are fading real soon. The friends i have in my high school, a bunch of damn fucking ass hole( my hometown called this sohais) who is so damn crazy until they can blow u off just by listening to their cursing rap, my colleges who stood by me,who shared the laugh and tears for that one and half years,even till now they are the same,my brother who is always so laid back and caring for me,my best friend who is pursuing a hard life= medicine,(do u wan to know Li ki?she only date docs! LOL,don't kill me...we still got minimum 2 years to be together). My uni friends? some of them are really nice friends to be with,i think i will miss them, while some are those where i hope i don't have to see them for the rest of my life.I guess i'm leaving all this behind.All these memories might actually shattered,torn into pieces,some might don't even recognize me in the future.But again,it does leaves a good memory behind.At least in my head,it does!

AND,happy birthday,Anus Pang! Sorry i couldn't make it to your gathering. I think u will like the ipod btw ^^ Expensive u know=.="...For some reason i think u guys are in club by now?Well,enjoy ur day man,to the very blast!

Segamat

It has been one whole week since i last post something here. Never know it is comfortable just by staying at home. Playing with my Samsung Notebook, watch movie and crap with my mom. At last,i managed to the plane ticket to Otago.Though i still feel it's kinda expensive,but i shouldn't complain much.After all,this is gonna be the first time i m gonna travel far away from home. Two years ago,if i ever heard the line going oversea, i would be really excited and looking forward to it. But the present me,the older me seems to be reluctant to leave this country. As i grow older,i start to feel i have more and more responsibilites laid on my shoulder. n.n but guess no matter how many times i bark on it,it is still a process everyone gonna go through. I might complain,but i know it is unavoidable :)